Sunday, July 10, 2011

How I met my biological family...

A lot of people probably wonder what on earth I’m talking about when I mention my “biological family”.  I figured now, crammed on an airplane and on my way back from my “biological family vacation”, I’d take the time to tell my story.

I’ve known my entire life that I was adopted.  I was a newborn, so the parents that adopted me and the family that I grew up with are just as much my family as you and your blood-related family are.  For 19 years of my life, I hardly ever questioned why I was put up for adoption, what my biological parents were like, and I never had the thought that I might have siblings out there.  It wasn’t until my mom mentioned that I had full siblings that I started to take interest.  It's not often that an adopted kid does have full siblings out there.  And even though I took interest, it didn’t mean I was going to act on it.  What were the chances that any of them were looking for me?  Yes, I was intrigued, but I still didn’t look.  Not long after that, while I was attending boarding school in Costa Rica, something else happened that encouraged my curiosity.  One of my friends had made contact with her biological mom and sister.  So... it was possible.  Yet I still didn’t look.  I didn't know where to start.

It wasn’t until I returned home to Virginia from Costa Rica that I decided to get on the internet and do some investigating of my own.  But, again, what were the chances of me actually finding any of them?  I didn’t have a lot of information other than where I was born, where my biological family had lived previously, the name of the adoption agency, and that I had two or three siblings.

A website called was the first one I looked at.  It seemed easy enough.  I joined the forum and started looking through the thousands of posts for information that looked familiar.  I was able to search for posts that included “Florida” and “Chosen Children Adoption Agency” and ended up stumbling upon one within minutes.  A young woman had posted a couple years previously in search of her little sister.  The place of birth and adoption agency matched up.  The dates she had posted of around when her sibling would have been born matched.  She also mentioned that her sibling would probably have dirty blond hair, brown or hazel eyes, be between 5’2” and 5’5” (or something close), and a blood type that I matched... but can’t currently remember.  It was uncanny that all of her information matched mine.

I had to be skeptical, though.  There was no way that I had just found my sibling after 19 years within a few minutes after looking for the first time in my life.  I decided to e-mail her... but I was nervous the e-mail listed wasn’t valid anymore.  Her post wasn’t recent.  As fate would have it, she replied quickly.  We e-mailed back and forth with all of the information that we had.  We traded pictures and tried to find any physical features that we had in common.  We thought we looked alike... but maybe we were reading too far into it?  Then I remembered that my dad had my adoption documents locked away at the bank... with the names of my biological parents.  Why I hadn’t just used that to find them in the first place, I don’t know.  I guess it’s because I wasn’t totally serious about the search when I started looking.  I just got lucky.  I believe in fate now... because there’s no way that would have happened if it wasn’t meant to be.  Thank goodness my sister was looking for me, too.  My dad, who has the memory of an elephant, didn’t even need to see the papers to remember the names of my biological parents.  We had found each other!

My sisters flew in shortly after to come see me.  We met in the airport and remained embraced for a few minutes before stepping back to really look at each other.  It was so strange to be standing in front of my own flesh and blood.  We spent a few wonderful days with each other getting to know each other for the first time in our lives.  I always believed that a person becomes who they are from how they are raised, and while I think that has a lot to do with it, there is still so much ingrained in your blood.  There were so many small details about us that were exactly alike.  I thought you had to grow up with people to have that much in common... but I guess not.  It was sad seeing them go back home, but I promised to visit as soon as I could.

I made it out to Kentucky the following December to see everyone.  I was also meeting my brother and my biological mom for the first time.  I think it was awkward for everyone at first... but it didn’t take us all long to feel comfortable.  I’ve always been a shy person... so it was a little harder for me, I think, but it didn’t take long.  I also got to meet all of my nieces and nephews... a part of my family that I’ve never had before.  I was an aunt!  Once again, departing from Kentucky was hard.  I didn’t want to leave.  But I had to.

Jamie, my sister, and her husband and kids made it out to Virginia for the 4th of July.  Another successful and wonderful time spent with them!  Another sad goodbye.  The more time spent with them, the harder the goodbyes.

I took a hiatus from visitation with them for a few years while I was swamped working and never had time off.  It was far too long spent without seeing all of them.  So last year, I joined in on the Panama City Beach, FL family vacation.  Along with all of my siblings, nieces, and nephews being there, I also had the joy of meeting my new brother-in-law and step-nephew!  More family!  It was a great vacation, as usual, and parting ways was even more difficult.

We just completed our Panama City Beach, FL 2011 vacation... and I’d say that it was harder to leave them this time than any time.  I got to spend quality time with everyone, my biological mom included.  You’d think that it would be a little awkward... but it’s really not.  They are family... and that’s just what it feels like.  I cried halfway back to the airport... and cried even harder at the airport.  I want to cry as I type this... but I’ll spare the other passengers on the plane.  I wish that we weren’t so far apart.  I wish that we had more time together, really.  But... for now... I’ll have to settle seeing them once or twice (if I’m lucky) a year and be happy with that.  I love them more than I can put it words... so I’ll leave it at that.


  1. I can hardly believe the story...and how simple it all sounds.

    I remember it as though it were yesterday...hearing those four words that changed my life forever..."You have another sister." It was almost unbelieveable. To think I was nine years old when you were born and didn't realize my mom was pregnant! How does that happen??? Then again, times were very tough and things back then were as they were.

    None-the-less, I searched for what seemed an eternity. Every response was a glimmer of hope, shortly followed by the crushing reality that I still hadn't found you. I posted on every site I thought I myself would look if I had been you. Then one day I received an email from a young lady with much skepticism. Could it be??? Probably not. But we kept the conversation going and we found what seemed to be many similarities between ourselves and our other siblings.The hope was there but I still had my gaurd up because I knew the disappointment that followed that hope all too well. Then came the news that your dad had the birth certificate tucked away and that was all we needed to validate what we wanted so badly to be true.

    There are no words to express the butterflies, anxiety, tears of joy, relief, and love I felt as that certificate slowly loaded on my computer screen. A moment in my life that I will never forget. amazing journey continues. One that started with a little girl and her three siblings that were destined to be together no matter what...and one that will last through the end of time. I love you Emily!!!

  2. Dang... now I am crying even harder! So you are the one I get my writing skills from?! I love you so much! And my entire biological family! I'm so thankful that you were looking... if not, we would have never found each other. I would never have been able to experience my blood-related family. I love you so much and miss you already. I miss you all every single day.